Just Because :)

Here’s a universal truth. When we go shopping, we want to buy everything that’s anything, even if we know we will never have a use for it. And if the item is on sale? May the Lord have mercy (on our wallets). But the second it’s our birthday and someone asks us what we want, we suddenly forget everything we’ve ever wanted.

I know.

The humanity!

You know what else is cruel? Those constant, daily birthday reminders we get on Facebook. Now speaking as someone who can’t even remember her best friend’s birthday (October 16^th???), those reminders should be a life line for me because God forbid we forget to wish a friend happy birthday, but you know what?

Screw that.

Recently, I found the beautiful, “Stop birthday notifications” button because I am so done with the constant internal conflict I have with myself every time Facebook tells me that I should wish so-and-so a happy birthday. Because come on, if the state of your happiness on your birthday depends on the number of well wishes you get on social media, there’s a problem. When that guy you’ve never talked to in the orchestra class you quit three years ago or the girl you’ve literally have not seen since 3^rd grade wishes you a happy birthday, you know they mean well, of course, but they’re wishing you well more out of obligation rather than because they remembered your birthday.

Which brings me seamlessly back to the frustration of birthday gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good present and I spend hours upon hours researching the perfect gift for others, but I have now reached the age when I can tell the difference between a gift given out of responsibility or avoidance of guilt, and a gift given out of true appreciation and compassion. And now that I can tell the difference, I don’t want those “obligation/reciprocal gifts” no matter how grand.

The difference between a “have to” gift and a “want to gift” is simple. All presents given on holidays, Easter, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, your birthday, weddings, hostess gifts, are all gifts given out of requirement regardless of how genuine they may be. According to this Scientific American article, we feel the need to give gifts “because they help create and maintain relationships…gifts establish a hierarchy between the giver and the recipient. The recipient wants to reciprocate the gift to remove herself from obligation to the giver-to reestablish herself as equal to the giver.” All I can say is that if the maintenance of a relationship depends partly on the never-ending cycle of obligatory gift giving for the sake of being on equal ground, what kind of relationship is it? This sounds absurd but how many times have we felt like we just had to buy so-and-so a gift because they got us one for our birthday? Even the presents we give to family have some strings attached.

So maybe what we all need to do is to give “just because”, on a completely random day for no reason at all. Because it is those gifts that are given at the most unexpected of times, on the most normal of days, that mean the most.

So here’s a universal truth: Gifts should not require reason or occasion. 

"Anniversary? Birthday?"
"Just because."

"I'm going home to see my mother."
“Oh, is it her birthday?”
“Nope. I just love my mother, and she loves flowers.”

And one last thing.

Don't foget to also give to the most important person of all:

"Who are the flowers for?"
"Myself."

(It appears that the people of New York have a thing for flowers. Quite understandable.)