Concluding Thoughts: The Children of New York

Every day we walk by hundreds of people and the ironic thing is that there is something very isolating and especially lonely about being surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of individuals and not knowing anything about them. We come into contact with so many, yet each of us are always so fixated on our own problems, in our own isolated, protective bubble, looking ahead, thinking ahead, with no concern about those around us or what’s going on around us.

Let you in on a little secret. Humans of New York is nothing special. At the end of the day, it’s nothing but an average guy taking pictures of the regular, normal, everyday people on the streets of New York and posting them online. The thing that makes HONY so popular is that Brandon Stanton takes the time to talk to the hundreds of thousands of people we pass by every day and reminds us that we are not alone in this terrifying, exhilarating adventure we call life. The photos celebrate our successes, remind us of our struggles, share with us age-old wisdom, and humors us with innocent quips. They remind us that at the end of the day, no matter what happens, it is humanity that will ultimately triumph.

In this modern world we become so engrossed with our own personal problems that we forget that the many faceless, nameless people we pass are extraordinary individuals who have witnessed and accomplished extraordinary things. Most of us go through the motions of life everyday with blinders on; completely ignorant of what is going on around us and it’s time to stop and smell the roses.

We all think our own stories are the most important. Unfortunately, not every story is written down or written about but that does not mean that a story is not worth knowing, so as my last blog post on Trinkets of New York, I would like to gather all the small but thought provoking, extraordinary stories that most of us are too quick to click through.

“Yesterday I found a penny in the park, and now it’s in my pocket.”

“She helps me with my math homework. When I run out of fingers to count on, she lets me use her fingers too.”

"What was the happiest moment of your life?"
"I don't think I have one yet but it's probably coming up and it's going to be a surprise."

Dad let go of her hand, but she never let go of dad's hand.

"There's a broken bottle down there!"
(Amman, Jordan)

"What happened to your arm?"
"I was walking down the stairs and looking at the stars."
(Amman, Jordan)

The tragedy of adulthood is its dwindling curiosity and observance of the world. Of all the life changing experiences and profound lessons the adults of HONY share, many of the most wise and profound comments come from the children who are innocent enough to see the world as it truly is. It is the children who find joy in pennies and broken bottles. They are the ones who take the time to look at the stars. The ones who have the most hope for a happy future and the ones who know that family matters the most. 

HONY is special because it is so ordinary. It shows us that humanity is not singular or individual and what matters the most is taking time to find our own broken bottles and gaze at the stars.

Parenting Reform

"Check it out. I've got your book on my iPad! I thought you might be around here. A few minutes ago, some old guy reported that some guy was trying to take his picture for some website."

Through the series of unfortunate, tragic events that have unfolded in the past few months, the nation has plunged itself in deep distrust of its law enforcement. With the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, the fatal chokehold of Eric Garner in New York, and the very recent shooting of Walker Scott in South Carolina for a broken brake light, the public is no longer convinced that the high number of black men killed by white officers is merely a coincidence. When society fears and distrusts its own justice system, there will always be social unrest. While there is no question that those who enforce the law must obey it themselves, the highly covered stories of abuse of power by the media has made us forget that the vast majority of officers are not out for trouble.

It seems like even the most innocent citizen grows up with an innate fear of the police. We automatically slow down when driving past a cop even if we are well within the range of the speed limit as the sight of the uniform and mere possibility of being chased down by flashing blue and red lights cause us extreme anxiety. But fear is not an innate emotion because it is a reaction taught by society. So where does this fear of law enforcement come from?

You don’t have to be a parent to know the age-old parenting trick of threatening misbehavior with a call to the police department. “Put on your seatbelt or else the police will come and take you away” and “Eat your vegetables or else the police will lock you up” may seem like innocent, obviously exaggerated phrases to use to get quick results but what they really do is create the unintended consequence of a child who grows up in fear of the police.

As we grow up and move to college, the role of the police shifts from scary enforcers of seatbelts and vegetable eating to the party-poopers who are always out to ruin the fun. In our hurry to avoid detection, we forget that cops do not exist to punish and that in fact, they take no pleasure from arresting criminals as shown in this video. The problem is that we’re always taught that “the police are out to get the bad guys” as opposed to “the police are here to help”.

In an encounter with a burglar at their home, mother of three-year-old Hamish Neil, Suzanne Bosanquet, found that “Hamish was more scared when the police turned up” than his face-to-face encounter with the thief. When the uniform scares you more than a criminal, it may be time to drop the seemingly innocent parenting threats.

In this time of social unrest, children who grow up with stories of the shooting of innocent victims by law enforcement will inevitably have their own misgivings with the police so as the country seeks to reform its justice system, it is also time to some parenting reform. Because let's face it, at the end of the day, officers are just regular people, reading Human's of New York, and out looking for a man trying to take pictures of people for "some website".

"This is NYPD reporting for a white male photographing bystanders and conducting very instrusive interviews. Over."

Just Because :)

Here’s a universal truth. When we go shopping, we want to buy everything that’s anything, even if we know we will never have a use for it. And if the item is on sale? May the Lord have mercy (on our wallets). But the second it’s our birthday and someone asks us what we want, we suddenly forget everything we’ve ever wanted.

I know.

The humanity!

You know what else is cruel? Those constant, daily birthday reminders we get on Facebook. Now speaking as someone who can’t even remember her best friend’s birthday (October 16^th???), those reminders should be a life line for me because God forbid we forget to wish a friend happy birthday, but you know what?

Screw that.

Recently, I found the beautiful, “Stop birthday notifications” button because I am so done with the constant internal conflict I have with myself every time Facebook tells me that I should wish so-and-so a happy birthday. Because come on, if the state of your happiness on your birthday depends on the number of well wishes you get on social media, there’s a problem. When that guy you’ve never talked to in the orchestra class you quit three years ago or the girl you’ve literally have not seen since 3^rd grade wishes you a happy birthday, you know they mean well, of course, but they’re wishing you well more out of obligation rather than because they remembered your birthday.

Which brings me seamlessly back to the frustration of birthday gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good present and I spend hours upon hours researching the perfect gift for others, but I have now reached the age when I can tell the difference between a gift given out of responsibility or avoidance of guilt, and a gift given out of true appreciation and compassion. And now that I can tell the difference, I don’t want those “obligation/reciprocal gifts” no matter how grand.

The difference between a “have to” gift and a “want to gift” is simple. All presents given on holidays, Easter, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, your birthday, weddings, hostess gifts, are all gifts given out of requirement regardless of how genuine they may be. According to this Scientific American article, we feel the need to give gifts “because they help create and maintain relationships…gifts establish a hierarchy between the giver and the recipient. The recipient wants to reciprocate the gift to remove herself from obligation to the giver-to reestablish herself as equal to the giver.” All I can say is that if the maintenance of a relationship depends partly on the never-ending cycle of obligatory gift giving for the sake of being on equal ground, what kind of relationship is it? This sounds absurd but how many times have we felt like we just had to buy so-and-so a gift because they got us one for our birthday? Even the presents we give to family have some strings attached.

So maybe what we all need to do is to give “just because”, on a completely random day for no reason at all. Because it is those gifts that are given at the most unexpected of times, on the most normal of days, that mean the most.

So here’s a universal truth: Gifts should not require reason or occasion. 

"Anniversary? Birthday?"
"Just because."

"I'm going home to see my mother."
“Oh, is it her birthday?”
“Nope. I just love my mother, and she loves flowers.”

And one last thing.

Don't foget to also give to the most important person of all:

"Who are the flowers for?"
"Myself."

(It appears that the people of New York have a thing for flowers. Quite understandable.)